Massive Journal of DOOM Preview-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
so... i've started writing my next massive journal entry of doom, and i thought i'd give you all a little preview of what i have written so far, so that you know what to expect. well.... here you have it...
Saturday, July 08, 2006
2:47 AM
So… here I am. Today I started to think about things and I realized that… well… I really need to start thinking about what matters to me in life. I need to find out who I am. I often find myself too concerned with what other people think of me to enjoy the person who I am. And although I’d like to tell myself I don’t conform to what I think the people around me want me to be, to a certain extent, I know I do. And that is why, earlier today, I decided that this next journal, being the one I’m writing now, is going to be all about me. At least, when I have finished writing this, I hope to have learned something more about myself that I didn’t know before. And that is what I’ve always discovered when I write: the more I write about my problems, my memories, my dreams... the clearer they become to me, and the more I get to know myself. I can honestly say right now that I have no idea exactly what I’ll accomplish, once having written this journal, nor what content it will contain, nor how long it will be, nor what your general reaction to it will be, and not even whether you will enjoy reading it. All I know is what I hope to accomplish: some form of understanding of what I am, what I have been, and maybe even what I hope to be.
3:05 AM
I sit here, in the silence, contemplative, reflective, retrospective, and notably shirtless. Summer has only begun, and what a better time to look back on the past 6 months… for that is the last time any of you have heard from me in one of these journals. So I’ve decided it’s only fair to tell all you guys about the last 6 months of my life. In how much detail, I do not yet know. But I’ll tell you now, if it’s anywhere near to be written in as much detail as my last journal entry I will be finished this by about the end of next summer. After all… in my last big journal entry I somehow managed to summarize the events of two days in around 7500 words. Given this, I’ll have to remember to just focus on the key moments, events, issues, etc that I have been subject to in the last 6 months. *nervous laugh*. This should be a new experience I guess, lol… keeping things brief, that is. Well, first of all, I think it would be best to talk about what’s going on with me right now. The last day of school was around two weeks ago, and believe it or not… I passed all my courses! Not that I was expecting to fail any of them, but I guess I’m saying I deserved the grades I received in the 3 courses I took this semester. The grades being not too high, and moderately low, but fitting, seeing as, quite honestly, I can’t deny having slacked off excessively, among other things. My parents have a vague idea of what to expect when my report card comes in the mail, but I’m still not sure how they will react… hopefully they will react not too aggressively, not too gravely, and without the aid of a meat tenderizer. If you want to know what’s really on my mind right now, apart from other things… and people… what’s on my mind is the fact that in two days, on Monday, at 11:15 AM, I will be entering an operating room, and undergoing jaw surgery. I’ve known it had to happen for years, but not until recently has this been tearing away at me. Truth be told, I have an under-bite, meaning the teeth on the bottom jaw meet in front of the teeth on the upper jaw when the jaws are closed. Now this isn’t anything too uncommon, but the unfortunate truth is that I require surgery to correct the under-bite. This surgery involves my upper jaw [the maxilla] to be cut off the rest of my skull, shifted several millimeters forward, and screwed back on. As if this isn’t already enough, they are going to pull out my wisdom teeth at the same time, and kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. All in all, the surgery is gonna be two hours long. And from these two hours of surgery, I’ll be spending 3 to 4 days in the hospital afterwards, 1.5 to 2 weeks waiting for the swelling, numbness, and pain to subside, and it will take the bone of my upper jaw around 3 weeks to heal completely and fuse back to the rest of my skull. As scared to hell as I am about this procedure and what I’ll look like afterwards, I’ve had a seemingly infinite amount of support from my friends about it. Some friends have been open and blunt about it, and others have been sympathetic and caring about it, and I appreciate all of it, because I’ve never been pwned with so much incoming sincerity in my life, and I love all of them to death. Every last one of those sorry bastards! So as far as surgeons go, I’m in good hands, and as far as friends go, I’m in good hands, so technically I should have nothing to worry about… right? Hahahaha! Well, if you think that, I’ll laugh in your face. If you know me, you’ll know one of my better qualities is that I worry my ass off about everything, whether it be something earth-shattering or something seemingly insignificant. So, as you can imagine, I’m scared shitless by the whole surgery thing, but as long as I keep telling myself that It has to happen and there’s nothing I can do about it, I’ll be fine. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, and it’s worked fairly well so far, and there’s only two days left of worry, before the undetermined amount of days of self-pity start [hahaha… I expect the worst… why is that funny?]. And that is my present situation. And I’ve also been thinking that while I’m at home, recovering from this marvelous operation of doom [and doom is an appropriate word right now, because I’m honestly getting an impending sense of doom.], it will be the perfect opportunity for me to reflect on the events since my last journal. And so, for now, I’m calling it a night.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
1:05 AM
So, once again, I am writing in this journal… hmm… interesting. I just got back from work, where I can now proudly report that I have, in actual fact, succeeded in deep-frying a Mars Bar. Now, before you completely dismiss the idea of deep-frying chocolate bars, just listen up, and bear with me. Now, the original idea for this unusual recipe came from a source which I have all but forgotten at this point, so I can’t give the proper credit to whoever first gave me the idea. Whoever you are, you wonderful, wonderful person – I apologize. All I know is that at some point in the distant past, an individual - who was most likely garbed in black baggy clothing and probably tended to keep to the shadows, for obvious reasons, due to the information he or she possessed, which could ultimately lead to the destruction of the human race and the world as we know it – asked me if I had ever deep-fried a Mars Bar. After all, for over a year now, I have worked in an environment where there are endless deep-frying possibilities, and it must have been a complete shock for this mysterious individual to learn that I had never taken part in this ritual which must have seemed relatively normal from his or her point of view. Now, when I was asked, I believe my response was something along the lines of, “Why the fuck would anyone in their right mind deep-fry a Mars Bar?!?!”, yet at the same time, I was mildly intrigued… some fiery passion within my soul had been conceived, and soon enough it would grow to torment my conscious mind until today… when this dark stranger’s idea was achieved in actual practice. Yes; Today, I walked into work, knowing there was a greater plan in store for me; knowing, that without a doubt, tonight was the night; tonight, I would make history, and be revered among some of the greatest and most honorable fast-food restaurant cooks in the known history of this very earth. Oh yes; tonight was the night. It all began around 9:30, when the customers decided to leave me the fuck alone and stop ordering food, which was nice of them, since my personal sentiments towards the general food-ordering public are still under debate. I left the vicinity of the A&W/Country Style restaurant, and made my way over to the Shell gas station variety store half of the building, the whole time, walking with a strut that can be defined with one, and only one word: sex. I turned on my heel to face the rack where the chocolate bars rested. And as my eyes fell upon the one last Mars Bar on the rack, lying there in all of its glory… I knew… this was destiny. I reached out, picked up the chocolate bar, turned, and made my way to the counter, where Ryan was fending off irritable customers who, in general, were pissed about the constant rising gas prices. Now, Ryan is a cool guy, being the cousin of my friend, Jason, and a fellow student in my first semester math class last year. I noticed he had a new haircut, which was ‘spiked’ up with gel. Personally, I can say in all honesty that I have less than an affinity towards the idea of applying a slimy, viscous fluid to my hair on a daily basis, but hey… to each his own. As the customer in front of me left the counter, cradling their prized and freshly purchased bag of Doritos, I moved forwards and placed the glorious bar of chocolate onto the counter, where it lay, only seconds away from being truly mine. Whilst discussing our academic futures, I paid for the Mars Bar, and as I received my change, I said goodbye to Ryan. As I began to walk away, I felt a hand grab my shoulder. I turned my head to face Ryan, who was looking at me with a severe expression; although his grin was assuring, his eyes were glimmering with what was almost certainly a foreboding graveness mingled with harsh concern. He looked right into my eyes, and said, “Good luck. May god be with you.” I nodded, smiled, and made my way back to the restaurant, with new meaning in my life; for I would, indeed, need the aid of some higher power on this reckless crusade I had only too recently embarked on. I made for the back room, where my preparation of the Mars bar would begin. Only as I began to unwrap the chocolate bar did the sheer power of its untamed beauty strike me; and it struck with suck force that I think I almost felt a slight tremor in my groin region. I stroked the Mars Bars’ supple contours, and grasped it firmly as I removed it completely from its restrictive wrapping. It was long… and hard. I’ll assume you have caught on to the sexual metaphors by now, and will thus allow myself to stop and continue with my tale. Basically, I dipped it in the batter we use for onion rings, and rolled it in bread crumbs, to give it a basic breading. Now, obviously, one layer of breading would not have be enough to contain the Mars Bar as its outer layer of chocolate liquefied while in the deep-fryer… so I breaded it with a second layer of breading, just to be safe. This, in my mind, was a good move… and if it wasn’t a good move in your opinion, then you can take a large irregular-shaped potato and shove it up your anus for all I care, you sick son-of-a-bitch. After the second layer of breading was secure enough by my standards, I placed the bar on a sheet of wax-paper, which was then placed on a shelf in the main fridge. Now it was only time which stood in between the Mars bar and the deep-fryer. I then continued with the work that I actually have to do in order to keep my job, which, when closing, involves the cleaning of dishes and appliances for the most part. Soon enough, as I was scrubbing dried condiments from the counter, my brother made an appearance, telling me he would return soon to buy food, after visiting his own workplace, Sobeys, where he would most likely hit on his fellow female co-workers in the deli for half an hour or so. It was then that the wheels in my mind began to turn and the plotting of my brother’s unavoidable doom began. I thought: if I were to feed the deep-fried Mars Bar to my brother, I could not only get the feedback I needed on the quality of the creation, but also avoid any negative effects that would result from the consumption of the bar. And yes, I am aware of the fact that I am an evil little bastard.
Not 20 minutes after my brother left, another unlikely person appeared in the restaurant. Although I didn’t recognize her at first glance, since I had only seen her in her work uniform on one occasion, behind the counter at Sobeys, I soon came to realize that it was none other than Taline, one of my brother’s Deli-buddies. To say the least, and to be quite blunt, today Taline was dressed in such a manner that I would be tempted to say she was a little too scantily clad for my taste, but that’s beside the point. I mean… she was wearing a skirt that was extremely short, and boots which I and several others I know would describe in an instant as ‘Hooker Boots’. Now, don’t get me wrong. There are no arguments here. I’m just saying it as it is. Anyways, as I glanced over at her and her friend, she called over to me, “Hey, Mark’s brother!” I found this to be a very welcoming greeting and simply waved back, not having a chance to talk, as some jackass customer placed some huge order, which included two poutines, which were inconsiderately canceled from the order, after I had already made one. Now, you probably think I’m just being ridiculous, but I honestly shed a tear every time I have to throw away poutine. After making the order, I returned to the front counter and saw that Taline had been waiting for me to return so that she could beg for a discount on food, which she then did. I can not discuss this matter any further, since doing so could put my job on the line… but let’s just say we struck a deal. And minutes later, after I handed her a Chubby Chicken burger [Just mayo], it came to my realization that there was a napkin with a little note written on it, on the counter, left by none other than Taline herself. Unfortunately, I can not discuss with you what the note said, but maybe it’s better that way. This way, you get to use your imagination! Yay! *clears throat*.
At around this time I decided it was time to deep-fry the Mars Bar, which I gave to my brother when he returned, and he let me have some, and the verdict is: Deep-fried Mars Bars are not only possible to make, but are also Pretty Fucking Good as far as taste goes! Now, I regretfully announce, I’m tired, and I’m going to bed. Goodnight.
...To Be Continued...
Devious Comments
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"A Pace Too Slow In A Place Too Low"
DaaBree/Jeff
now give us a grin and go through it, and i'll see you in person before you can say "Niagara Falls".
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livin' lime.
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"If The Legend of Zelda has taught me anything, my death by chickens is long overdue."
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"If The Legend of Zelda has taught me anything, my death by chickens is long overdue."
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livin' lime.
ROTF.
This journal owns my life <3
I can't wait for the rest of it
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x sara x
[ you never said forever could ever hurt like this ]
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"A Pace Too Slow In A Place Too Low"
DaaBree/Jeff
the note napkin....
another fruitful expedition...cheers!
of course, there were more things i found funny...but i'm not going to sift through it and drop them all into a comment like a load of cat shit.....
[hopefully you remember that, or else i'm sounding like an ass right about now]
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livin' lime.
PS, My soul weeps at your total and utter neglect of paragraphs. <3
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"Ask the tulips," scoffed one tigerlily.
But of all the flowers in the garden Alice did not talk to one tulip... they were too busy cutting themselves and writing sad poetry...
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